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Although there is no right or wrong side to these cultures, when the two are brought together it usually makes for unpleasantness for the giver. While the asker fails to see the harm in asking, the giver feels it’s rude to deny a request. This results in the giver giving up things or favors he doesn’t really want to just to keep decorum. Many times the asker has no idea he is overstepping the bounds of courtesy thus insulting the giver even further. Often the asker fails to understand the subtle hints and feelers the giver is sending and thus neglects to offer said favor. Their standard line when approached about this is, ‘all he had to do was ask’ something the giver is loath to do. As I look at these two cultures, it is not hard for me to see why my first marriage failed, as she definitely was an asker and I am a staunch giver. To exacerbate the problem I was head over heels in love with her and all I wanted was to give her the world. As for her, she always felt I could always say. The pair split apart, and Dave went and got a drink – his wine over ice that had been his trademark drink for years. He saw Derek just arriving, and made a beeline for the man.“Derek, I need to talk to you.”Derek grinned, “I bet that Mark Worthington talked to you.”Dave nodded. “I am a man that is intensely loyal to my friends, and you are more than a friend. You’ve been my mentor and number one supporter from the first time we met. I won’t leave if you want me.”Derek smiled, “Don’t pass up an opportunity to better your own circumstances. I never have, and you shouldn’t either. I understand your loyalty and friendship, and I am grateful. Neither of those will suffer, AND you should take the position that Mark is offering you.”“But Nancy...”“I love Nancy, and you’ve done a superior job in always grooming her to take over from you. She’s done the same with Sheri. I’ve seen lots of promotions get squelched because the exec didn’t groom his or her replacement. You have and that makes my.
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